Make Truth Not Peace Number 1
by Nicholas de Castella
Truth is more important than peace. You can get to peace through truth but you can’t get to truth through peace.
I believe that we came here on earth not to make peace with ourselves nor our neighbours but to release ourselves from the chains of self-doubt, self-deception, compromise, and suppression of our being. How often do we cast our truth aside and settle for safety and loneliness by being non-threatening – small, insignificant, and powerless?
Holding back our truth to avoid conflict for the sake of temporary acceptance and peace is dishonouring, betraying our integrity. This creates feelings of worthlessness and self hatred. Often the reason that we avoid expressing our truth is because of our fear of rejection. The fear of rejection is really a fear of feeling the wound that is already within us (the sadness of being lost and marooned from the core of our being). Feeling this wound is what we need to do to heal! The withholding of truth only increases our loss of self and hence increases our desperation for acceptance and willingness to further compromise truth – setting up a cycle which leads to ever increasing disconnection from our sense of self.
We carry within our bodies stored energies (emotions) which have been suppressed from emotional experiences that we have not fully expressed. Energy is always moving. To keep these energies stored within us we need to brace our bodies (by becoming stiff and rigid) or detach and distract our attention from our truth (by being busy, in our heads etc.) or dampen the energy (by overeating, drugs etc.). These attempts to suppress our emotions are tiring, and restrictive: keeping us bound in cages of separation from love, feeling passionately alive, empowered and whole
We create experiences (often called problems, annoyances, nuisances…) that are going to give us an opportunity to feel and express these blocked and locked energies. When we experience these situations we often get scared of feeling our pain and suppress the energy flow. Missing the point entirely, we choose (mostly unconsciously) to avoid feeling our pain by deflecting our attention away from ourselves through BLAME.
Blame is a denial of our own creative ability and power and is an avoidance of our responsibility. We blame the other person or the situation or God or fate for hurting us or being cruel. With a closed heart we channel emotional energy into attack, or we withhold what we’re feeling, bottling it up in the form of resentment (to avoid conflict in favour of outward peace). Both these responses lead to increases in separation thus further increasing our own pain and loneliness.
But the drama doesn’t stop there: At the deepest level we all want to be free and whole, connected to ourselves, each other, and to life. So we generate another experience that is going to give us the opportunity to release the energy bound up in our being. Only when we open our hearts, feel and grieve our pain will we heal. The question is: “When are we going to break the habit of blame, suppression, and persecution and feel, honour, and EXPRESS our pain (the pain of being suppressed, alone, inadequate, lost, afraid, confused, and ashamed…) and open up to allow others in so they can support us?”.
The Truth Heals. I am not referring to ’empirical truth’ but an ever changing truth of living the fully impassioned expression of my being. Not a fixed eternal biblical truth but one that is fresh and alive, changing in each moment, a truth that I am usually so distracted from that I don’t know exists. It is so distant from my consciousness that I can’t access it even when I want to. The truth of what am I feeling right now? What do I really want? What is my purpose in life? What do I really want to say to my lover, friends, and adversaries?
How do I connect with my truth?
1. Connect with yourself. Slow down by daily taking time out from the distractions all around you, be still, go within and feel yourself. Develop a strong sense of self so you can let go of worrying about what others think about you and BE YOU. You can’t share your truth with anyone if you are not in touch with yourself.
2. Find a safe place to practice expressing your truth – gather people around you who are willing to stick around in the face of the passionate expression of your truth and get them to express their truth to you.
3. Live passionately! Express the truth of each moment fully – holding nothing back . You not only need to say what you want to say, you also need to EXPRESS the emotions that accompany it. Truth is Energetic as well as Informational. You cannot talk away your anger, sadness, fear or hopelessness. Articulating and showing emotions are worlds apart.
4. Stop deflecting your pain into Blame. Stop blaming, abusing and attacking others with your anger, especially when you are really hurt. Use your anger to express your feelings with vulnerability and openness of heart. When you are sad or angry or scared say so.
5. The rule in vulnerability is that someone has to be first. Don’t wait for the other person to be vulnerable before you will be.
6. Be willing to feel and express your pain deeply. Resist the temptation to flinch from your pain by closing your heart and tightening your being. The only thing that will lead you home to love and happiness is your truth, compromise will only prolong your pain.
7. Commit to honouring yourself by expressing your feelings and don’t let your fear stop you. Resolve incomplete relationships, they are still hurting you. Take a risk by speaking your truth – Pause right now and reflect: “I need to share my truth with…”
The Passionately Alive Seminar is fertile soil for the nurturing of the trust in the healing power of truth.